I let go!

I let go!

I thought you recognized
That our friendship was real and heavily priced
For a moment I forgot that we were all humans
That our emotions were not preserved in specific cans
That our affection for each other was not always reciprocal
And that made me sceptical

I would have maximised the few moments
That I got to laugh with you
That I got to cry with you
I would have laughed it all and cried it all
I laugh alone now, when nothing is really funny
I just got someone more tender to cry on; my pillow

But it can’t hear me when I talk
It can’t get angry when I mock
Your friendship was priceless
Your love was tingly
Your affection was encapsulating
But I let you go

No! You let me be
You let me be the one who cared too much
The one who prayed too much
The one who helped you select dinner dresses when you had a date
And wait in the cold till you come back and call me to open the gate
Afterwards I walk back to my bed alone when it’s very late

May be I was too calm and a bit naive
You told me you wanted a man that could pray and I was a prayer warrior
You complained that the last guy you dated only wanted sex -but I proved to you my commitment
I respected your body and never touched you immorally
You wanted someone who was responsible
-at least I owned my own room and was not lazy or idle

I was the definition of the man you wanted to marry
But not me
Someone like me but definitely not me
I was your brother
And you were my sister
But I never remember my mum breast feeding you

When I told you I loved you, you went bizarre
You said it couldn’t happen
It just couldn’t happen
You didn’t see me that way
I really didn’t know how long it had to take for you to see me that way
Since that day you became distant and faraway

Our friendship broke into fragments of uncoordinated feelings and uncertainty
I sit here
Writing a poem you might never hear
It makes my heart want to shed a tear
I don’t know what you are doing now
But I wish you move on
Sometimes love increases with parting away

I still love you that I can’t deny
Do I still want to be with you?
That I’m not sure- I have no confidence in my flesh
Do I want to marry you?
I don’t want to marry someone who sees all the best in me but not as a husband
So I wish you well
May you find someone just like me- who is not me
I would also find someone just like you- maybe just the name will change
If ever we meet again
We will introduce to ourselves the replicas of each other we found
I will be more than happy to see the man who looks just like me
Thank you for being my best friend

©Phelyks Agyemang 2016